Knock...

There are times when prayer is the most beautiful, intimate, sweet time with the Lord. Singing, crying, laughing every emotion is felt and at the end of that time, amazing peace and assurance that my heart was heard and received. Then, there are times when prayer is the most frustrating and perplexing thing imaginable!


I think we all have stories when we wanted something and we prayed and prayed and God came in like a knight in shining armor and rescued us. We send out emails, share with our friends, we blog about those times. They are amazing times that I hope we have all experienced.


And then there is this darker side to prayer that we don't talk about that much, at least not that often. I have shared these times with friends over coffee or dinner, but never testimonies to a crowd. For instance, there are times when I lay myself out there to God and I just know it's got to go the way I am praying...it has to. God is good, and this thing we pray for and want is good and so it should go that way. Surely God wants my child to be healed of this disease, surely God wants me to be married and not stay single my whole life, surely God wants to reconcile our family, surely God wants to bless us with a child, surely God wants this huge bill to be paid by someone else so I don't have to go into debt, surely God wants my family to be saved. Surely! And then it goes silent or the answer God gives is unbelievable perplexing.

This happens. Sometimes when I pray, it feels like no one is listening but me.


This weekend at church, we discussed prayer from the context of Luke 11:1-13. This is the passage where Jesus teaches the disciples to pray. Now, I have heard tons of sermons on this passage and those like it, but the Lord really spoke to me through this one. I was feeling the shortfalls for sure.

The whole message behind the Lord's prayer is that the Lord be magnified. Our prayers are to be theocentric (God centered) instead of, in my case, jenocentric!! I would say, this is a fair phrase worthy to be coined. Considering how well I know my prayer life. "Hallowed be your name, your kingdom come...", Great is your name, let your name and your reknown be glorified and magnified and exaulted and pursued. The cry of our hearts is not for a certain thing, but in that certain thing, God be magnified.


I often forget that God is the center of all things. He is working all things to His glory, unraveling all things to end with His name Glorified. when I pray the "jenocentric" prayers, what I am praying is out of an idolatrous heart. I am praying for things, not for the Lord to be glorfied. Idolotry exists in all of us! When we are pleading for things to be accomplished for us instead of "your will be done" or your name be praised, your name be glorified over my petty desires, it's idolotry.

"Give us each day our daily bread"...this is a prayer to give us everything I need, and ONLY what I need (not want), so that I can see the Lord glorified or hallowed. We do not need anything more lest we wind up with too much and forget God, or we get too little and end up stealing or cheating in order to get what we need. Jesus implores us to pray for just enough to glorify the Lord.


"Forgive us our sins"...to be honest, I struggle with prayer so much because I am constantly fearful that He will just point out more things that suck about me, when I just got over dealing with the last thing that he revealed sucked about me. The Lord is just constantly moving me...He loves me too much to keep me where I am at. So, praise God for that. In this verse, He acknowledges that I don't have to approach Him sinless...He expects us to approach Him in prayer dirty, sinful, lost, sick, and poor in Spirit. He expects it and accepts us that way....Praise GOD!!!


He finishes these verses with some parables that talk about how prayer should look. The first parable emphasises that we need to be persistant in our asking. This is where I fail. This is where my laziness takes over and I leave God to do all the hard work. Ask, then seek, then knock. I've got the asking down and the seeking, but I fail at the knocking persistantly.


So, just to summerize about how I am failing these days (why am I writing this so the world can see?? :) I am constantly praying out of an idolatrous heart, not praying for God's will or for God to be glorified from the things I ask, but praying for my wants. Jenocentric praying if you will. On top of that, I stop at the first "knock". The Lord intends for us to knock and knock and knock some more and then knock even more.


God is a god of His word! Ask, seek, and knock and knock and knock and knock and knock...and it will be given to you. His will, His perfect will, is given. Something far exceeding our expectations or short prayers.

Luke 11:11-13 "If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? 12 "Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"


How much more will our heavenly Father give!!!


God, who is INFINITE in knowledge, will at times, as you plead for something, say "no". It's because He loves us and sees what we cannot see. The real question here is, do we trust Him? Do I trust Him? This is what is uncovered in my prayer life...do I trust that He is the good Father that He has proven to be?

At the end of the day...more than you need your child healed, more than you need your family reconciled, more than you need a husband, more than you need a baby...more than we need those things we pray for we need to know personally, and see the might and power of Christ and His cross.


"The gospel isn't that I would get what I want and He would be enough, but that I would get Jesus and He would be enough and all I want" Matt Chandler.


So, as I sort though these things, I hope that one or a few of you sort through these things as well. I know I am not alone in this struggle. This is big. Sort it out, we can't afford to short God on His glory!

Can I Just Say...

I love this man!!

Ruminations...

Some things I have been learning lately:

• Faith and presumption (reliance on self and outward morality) look so much alike that only crises can expose presumption for what it is. Presumption constantly tries to shift our reliance on Christ's righteousness to our own efforts.
• Therefore, crises become God's means of forcing us to turn away from circumstances, feelings, and our own strength--and to turn toward God.
• Growth in Christ is not rooted in moralistic will power. It is only possible as we are transplanted by faith, through the power of the Spirit, into the soil of grace. (the above three points are given by Rose Marie Miller in her book "From Fear to Freedom")
• When we are faced with trials, we find what the most logical, good (to us), moral, and even what we feel might bring the most glory to God solution is and pray for it to happen. Then when it doesn't happen we get angry, disappointed, frustrated. In the end, we believe God owes us. (adapted from the sermon given yesterday at church)

I know these are just snapshots of whats going on, but I did want you to know whats been going on in my head/heart lately. I know many of you are praying for me/us during all the craziness and sometime soon I will write a blog to share with those of you who have no idea what's going on. It's just been crazy lately, but God is in it with us. He is providing, guiding, speaking, and faithfully encouraging us where we are.

Thanks for all your comments and emails!! I can't wait to share specifically how the Lord has been faithful.

Is the Room Spinning or is it Just Me?

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Um...could you repeat that again. Trust?? Even now, trust? I'm having an awful time with this whole trusting thing. Chris and I have entered a time of serious trial. We are being forced, by God's loving hand, to trust Him. I could make a long list of all the things going on in our lives right now, but just know that there is a lot going on.

I find myself so bound up in this worry and this trial that I feel so incredibly lost in what the Lord is wanting for me to see in it. I'm spinning, spinning, spinning. So dizzy that once the spinning stops I am suppose to see the Lord and what He has for me??? I just can't make Him out right now. Everything I see is blurry and very distorted. I know He is there, but I just can't see Him.

All I have to cling to is the fact that He desires our trust in Him. Not only does He desire it, but He commands it. But the command is followed by a promise that He will make my paths straight. In my dizziness, He will whisper, "Precious Daughter, I am here...Take my hand...Close your eyes and follow me. I know the way." And with His gentle guidence, my paths are made straight.

Proverbs goes on to say "it will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones". Not only will the Lord make my paths straight, He will give me healing so that these times are not a detriment, but make my heart and faith stronger than before this trial. I cling to this, knowing and believing God's merciful promise to me.

Oh Father. as I sit here still spinning from this trial, I know you are near. Thank you for your constant wisdom...your presence that doesn't necessarily stop the spinning, but causes me to reach out for your help. Relying on only you. This reliance isn't as joyful in the process. However, I trust You. I believe You are good and that You do good. I believe that You love me and therefore discipline me. You draw my roots further and further down, breaking hardened earth and pushing back dirt lacking proper nutrients. You beckon me deeper to rich, fertile soil that I may be an oak of righteousness, a planting for the display of Your splendor. Lord, sustain me in the growing, in the stretching, in the groaning, in the spinning. You are good and You do good.

A Day at the Museum

Juliet and I visited the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History today. We had a great time! It's so fun that she is getting to the age where she is so curious and wanting to learn how to do things. It was a super fun day!!

Shopping in the "market"

Time to check out!

Notice a theme? She obviously loves her some corn.



When it comes to horsies, she pays close attention.

She was giving the horse some lovin.


All smiles at the end of the day!!

Craigslist

I LOVE craigslist!!  I have bought a ton of stuff there.  I like to think that I am taking advantage of the ridiculously wealthy for a good cause.  Kind of like Robin Hood.  I steal from the rich (because they have more money than they know what to do with) and my house (the poor) is better for it!! 

A lot of the stuff on there is so underpriced, just because people want to get rid of it.  Because I am in DFW, most of the stuff I find are from really wealthy neighborhoods and the people had their stuff for 4 years and now it is "out of style" and they have to buy the new thing.  Today I am going to pick up an 8x10 rug from pottery barn that was originally $850 and I am getting it for $175!  

Another great thing about Craigslist is the wanted section.  You can find anything here from: Man wanting a silky chicken--female (uh, what?) to Sunday coupons or Cow Skulls--in good condition.  There have also been some opportunities for ministry on here that I have noticed lately.  Someone posted about an apartment building that burned down and everyone in it lost everything but what they had on them.  The post was asking for clothes, baby items, donations of any kind to help them out.  Most of the time the people will come pick up your donations/thing needed, so you don't even have to do anything.  Seriously, its way too easy.  Just take a look and see if you can help someone today.

Have I mentioned that I love Craigslist? 

So funny!

This is a stinkin hillarious video. You'll have to pause my music, but please watch it...it will seriously make you laugh!! Plus his Naughty By Nature shirt is the best!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYF3qQrCRpk

P.S. I have no idea how to put the actual video from youtube on here. Can anyone teach me?