Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Confession number 2. Laundry :( Chris doesn't mind doing the laundry, which is nice, but I am usually left with the folding part. I hate the folding part. As we speak, there are two baskets of laundry sitting in our bedroom, unfolded. We did the laundry Saturday.
Confession number 3. Before I got pregnant, I loved cleaning. I would deep clean the house regularly. I wouldn't stand for dishes to sit in the sink. My closet with organized by color and my jeans and sweaters perfectly folded. When I did fold clothes, I folded them so perfectly that I wouldn't let Chris help because he "did it wrong". I washed our sheets every other week and our pillowcases every week. I was on top of it! My standards have plummeted to non-existant now. I put off cleaning the bathtub way too long. I rarely make our bed any more. The dishes pile up. The dust bunnies take over our floors.
Confession number 4. Since having Lily, I take forever to fall asleep, but once I'm asleep I sleep like a rock. I have the craziest and most realistic dreams. One night about 3 months ago, I was having a dream about peeing. Lily was crying and I woke up and realized that I wasn't dreaming...I actually peed the bed!! I told Chris about it and we laughed so hard. I was totally embarassed that I would do that and a bit concerned that I had lost all bladder control, but to my relief, it was a one night thing.
Confession number 5. I watch America's Funniest Home Videos and The Cosby Show every afternoon while Lily is napping. To my credit, we don't have cable so I would probably choose something else if we did, but these are the shows that are on. But, still, I choose to watch them. And I laugh at the stupid videos of dads getting hit in the crotch by their kids. It's still funny...it is!
Confession number 6. I've let Lily watch AFV with me before. Literally laid with her on the couch and watched the whole episode. Am I a bad mom?
Confession number 7. Most nights I don't cook. We don't have a dishwasher or I would...I think. We eat Chickfila at least once a week and sometimes more. I don't do fast food, so Chickfila is the only place I will eat.
Confession number 8. Sometimes I sleep in the shirt I was wearing all day and maybe once or twice I also wore that same shirt the whole next day. I know, I'm disgusting.
Confession number 9. Every day I get up with Lily at 8am and then we both take a nap from 9:15ish to 11am. But, in my defense, I have to stay up to feed her at 11pm, so...that's a good reason, right?
Confession number 10. Almost every day I turn on Beyonce really loud and dance and sing "Single Ladies" or "Bootylicious" to Lily. I've even turned on the Single Ladies video on youtube and tried to mimic the dance. She loves it!!
So...what are your confessions? This is a safe place ;)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Number one Number two Number three Number four
Aren't you excited to be involved in such an important and life altering decision!!
Thanks for helping me decide!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
It started in October when I went for my first internal exam. The doctor checked me and smiled really big and reported that I was very soft (i'm not explaining that) and I was dialated. She told me I was well on my way to delivery and to take it easy so I didn't start the process too soon. The next several visits, I progressed so well that she only checked me two more times because I was dialated to a 3 and she was touching Lily's head. She didn't want to check me anymore because I still had 3 weeks to go and I was very close.
We took her seriously and I called the family I was working for and told them that I was dialted to a 3. Being that they are both doctors, they told me that I was done working and to stay home with my feet up so the baby doesn't make a surprise entrance. I was so disappointed. I had 2 more workdays left and I hadn't had a chance to really say goodbye to Tim and Juliet. I heeded their advice and counted my work days finished. I was going to stay home and buy us some more time.
Chris was finishing his last semester at school and finals were coming just in time for Lily's entrance. We had planned on Chris finishing his work just before she came, so in an effort to buy Chris some more time, we both agreed that I should do as little activity as possible so Chris could get some extra work done. We were both in the mindset that Lily would arrive any day. Little did we know that I would be waiting on her the whole 3 weeks. Every day, every moment, every pain or movement I thought she was coming. It was miserable. I was so convinced that at any moment my water would break and, because I was already dialted to 3 cm, the contractions would be super intense. I was a nervous wreck.
At my final doctors appointment, we decided to induce. Eventually we decided to induce on my due date so I wouldn't be in the hospital on Thanksgiving and Chris could get the most time to finish his work (didn't finish, but it was a valiant effort).
The night before, November 19, I was so nervous. The night was pretty low key. I watched a movie, "My sister's keeper", finally packed my bag, made some phone calls, and did a lot of crying. I was very emotional. Poor Chris was trying to finish some things for school and I kept bugging him with my hormone induced emotional outbursts. I was most sad that we were no longer going to be just Chris and Jen. I was so excited to meet Lily, but it was the end of an era. We would no longer be just the two of us and I was sad that it was over. The night was sweet. Chris was very gentle and kind towards me and we ended the night falling asleep together and talking about how the Lord had blessed us so unbelievably with this little girl.
The morning came and I was up quickly. We were scheduled to induce at 7:00am. We took a final belly pic and we were off. When we arrived, we checked in with the nurses station in L&D. We were assigned a nurse and she showed us to our room. Everything was happening so fast and I remember feeling a bit dizzy but just pressed on. The nurse gave me a gown to change into and I did. I took off my bra and remember thinking that is the last time I will wear that bra for a long time!! What a silly thought, but even now I miss my bras. Instead of the yucky nursing bras. I got into bed and the nurse hooked me up to the blood pressure machine. She asked me a billion questions that I don't remember and hooked me up to an IV. Just before she hooked me up to an IV, I puked. This isn't abnormal for me. I have a very nervous stomach and I assumed at some point in the day I would throw up. Once that passed, she continued with the IV. She had a really hard time with my IV and at one point she hit a vein and blood was gushing everywhere. I will later tell everyone that even above pushing Lily out, getting that IV was the most painful part of the whole experience. Crazy, huh? They also started the pitocin to get my contractions rolling. It was 8:30 by that point and I was on my way.
The nurse told me to let her know when I was ready for the epidural and she would leave and check me in 15 minutes to see how I was progressing. Literally as she was turning to walk out of the room, I felt a very strong contraction and told Chris to go get her and get an epidural. I had felt enough and I didn't want to feel those anymore.
The nurse called for the doctor and the doctor checked me and broke my water. There wasn't a gush because the doctor said Lily's head was so far down that it was acting like a plug and holding a lot of water in, but my bag was broken. The doctor ordered the epidural and the anesthesia was there within 15 or so minutes. I was so relieved because I was in serious pain. Getting the epidural was what I was most nervous about. I won't go into step by step what happened because it was pretty routine. At that point, I was thinking about how crazy all of this is and I even said it aloud, "this is crazy". Getting the epidural wasn't too bad, just felt a little achy when they put it in. Like a deep pain, but not that bad at all. It took about 10 minutes total. It was about 10:00am.
I remember feeling the epidural pretty quickly and was so happy with what I felt. It was warm and relaxing. I told Chris it felt like I was at the spa. I soaked in the last few moments of being able to feel Lily in my belly. I felt her move around and push her little sweet foot against my right side. I've come so accustomed to feeling it and I got a bit sad to know it was my last time to feel her inside me. Soon, I was numb, but I could still move my legs and feel when someone touched me and pressure. I was happy to be able to move, however akward my movements were. I had little to no control over those movements, but I could lift my legs, etc.
The nurse told Chris and I to get some sleep. She turned off the lights and we both laid down. Chris couldn't sleep, so he said he was going to go for a walk. I tried to sleep, but I started to feel really really warm. I threw the blankets off of me, but I was still warm and getting warmer. I sat my bed up and looked around for a fan. I guess I thought it would be like on an airplane where you can point the vent at your face, but no dice. I called the nurses station and asked for a fan or for my room to be cooler. They said ok. About a minute later, I was not only feeling warm, but feeling nauseous and I called the nurses station again and told them I was about to throw up and need someone NOW. My nurse rushed in and handed me the thrower upper thing and I did my thing. While I was throwing up, she called the nurses station and ordered something rather assertively. Chris walked in at that moment and that's when the action happened.
The nurse had to put in an internal monitor onto Lily. I didn't know this at the time and had no idea what was going on. She gave me some oxygen and told me to breathe deeply. She was so calm that I was never worried, but then she told another nurse to page my doctor. I freaked a little at that point. She explained that my contractions were too close together and the baby might not be getting enough oxygen because of that. She said that the pitocin had kicked my body into high gear and my body was contracting all on its own and the pitocin was just hindering it. They were monitoring the baby very closely and rolling me back and forth. The doctor came in panting and rushed to my side. This was when I REALLY freaked out. When the doctor is rushing to me. She looked at the monitors and took what seemed like forever, but was probably 2 minutes and said, "ok, let's just slow down". She explained what was going on and she said the baby's heartrate is fine and never dipped once. She said the baby is responding well to their actions and my contractions, so everything was going to be fine. She also said that if I had any other doctor, they would have rushed me to do a C-Section but because she waited to see how the baby did, I could continue on course. I was very thankful!! The doctor checked me at that point and I was at 7 cm.
By noon, I was at 9 cm and at about 1 or 1:30, I started pushing. I pushed for about 30 minutes and the nurse paged the doctor to come, but she was delayed and we had to stop pushing and just wait for her to come. I knew I must be close if 1) they paged the doctor and 2)asked me to stop pushing to wait on her.
We waited and finally she came. The doctor explained that my water was tinted which means that Lily had pooped and she could have possibly swallowed some of the fluid. She said the NICU team would be in here to suck out any of that fluid and just in case there are any issues due to that. I pushed about 5 or 6 more times and Lily was here!! At 2:37pm. The doctor assured me that she looked great and that she had probably pooped when my contractions were so close, so she didn't spend too much time in that fluid. The NICU team worked on her and cleared her. We have a video of her taking her first breath and literally turning from blue to pink. She was perfectlly healthy at a whopping 7lbs. 9oz.
The nurses cleaned her up and Chris brought her over to me quickly. She wasn't crying at all. I couldn't stop smiling. I kept giggling because of what had just happened. I was elated!! Finally we were able to hold our baby girl!!
We had our first attempt at nursing just minutes after she was born. It went so smoothly. She was hungry!! She latched on right away and nursed for hours. Little did I know that was the begining of a love/hate realtionship with breastfeeding.
We are so thankful for God's perfect timing in the birth of our daughter. We know, despite what we may see or feel about that timing, that Lily was a blessing by the Lord and a lesson that the Lord provides for us in everything. No matter what the situation, He is always on our side and from God comes every good thing.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and cheered us on in our pregnancy and delivery. We were blessed beyond what we ever expected through friends and family. Without your sweet words, gifts, and support we wouldn't have been able to feel the full blessing from the Lord that day and continue to.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
-weigh about 11 pounds...we will find out your official weight at your doctor's appointment next week.
-wear size 1 diapers
-can still fit in newborn size, but are most comfortable in the 0-3 month clothes we have. This all depends on the brand, of course.
-sleep very well. Most every night you go to sleep at 11pm-12am and wake up around 4 o'clock to eat and then don't wake up until 7:30. Last night you went to bed at 12am and didn't wake until 6:30, so hopefully you are getting closer to sleeping through the night.
-you don't really enjoy being swaddled, but we do it anyway because otherwise you wake yourself up with your hands. Until recently we were swaddling you with your blankets from the hospital because they fit the best, but you outgrew them. You are such an active baby and love to kick your legs and move your arms, so if you are really awake and not sleepy, you grow very frustrated with the swaddle because you can't move. You've also grown very good at escaping the swaddle. Most mornings, we find your arms free.
-we've gotten better at breastfeeding, but you sometimes get frustrated and pop on and off. You eat about 20 minutes and then take 2 oz of formula with each feeding. Sometimes you decide you want 4 oz of formula, but we try to only do 2.
-you are very happy! you smile a lot, especially when I sing to you. it melts my heart. you have the most amazing smile and you have a little giggle that comes when you are really tickled. you also love mirrors. you smile and giggle at the mirror above our couch. you keep your eye on it when you're eating.
-you like your paci, but only for a short time unless we are in the car. it calms you down and then you are done with it and spit it out.
-when you are starting to get upset, you let out bursts of sound that are the cutest things I have ever heard. your daddy and I laugh every time, even though you are upset. we like to torture you so we can hear you do it. ;)
-you've gone to church 3 times now. everytime you have been great. you just sit in your carseat. twice you have fussed and just want to be held. you are a great baby!!
-your eyes are really blue. I'll be surprised if they change, but there is still time.
-you have light brown hair. some days it looks more blonde than brown. you grow more hair everyday. soon you will have a full head of hair.
I can't believe you are already 2 months. I always imagined having a baby and I can say now that it is nothing like I pictured...in a good way. Most days I cannot wait until you wake up so I can look at your sweet face some more and hear your beautiful happy sounds that you make. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but when I look back over my days, all I remember is how much fun I had and the joy I felt with each smile and coo. I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the amazing gift that you are to us. Thank you, Lord for this amazing gift you have entrusted to us. Give Chris and I the wisdom and faith to trust you with our daughter. Please Lord, capture Lily's heart early so she can know your love.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Things are going well. Lily is 7 weeks old now. We are spending the days together and trying to get a regular routine down. Currently, she eats every 3 hours and "naps" for 2. 30 or so minutes of the hour left is spent eating, so that leaves us a little over 30 minutes to do anything outside the house. Needless to say, I don't get out much.
We spend our wake-time talking to each other, singing, reading, watching Baby Einstein videos or just looking at lights and walls. She has a particular affinity for a certain mirror we have above our couch. She will just stare at it and get bigger smiles than I can illicit. It may sound like a dull day, but I really love the times when she is awake. It's the times when she is napping that I find myself bored. I often struggle with feeling isolated and trapped. Just this past week, I was really struggling which has caused me to start this week fresh and start looking for activities to do while she is napping to keep my mind working and busy.
I'm afraid to share with you all what I've decided to do with my time because I'm afraid I will fail and one of you will ask me how it's going and I will have to share that I failed. Geez...talk about performance anxiety. Ok....should I share this...yes, ok....I am attempting to read through the Bible. I think this is my 708th time to declare that Iam going to do this, but I have run out of excuses for real. I have so much time and all I have to do is discipline myself to do it. I am afraid to ask for accountability, but I guess I should. So, feel free to ask me about it. Scary!
I'm rambling now, so I will just leave you some pictures of Lily. Amazing! Love those chubby cheeks.